So sorry you are going through such a tough time. Many here who have similar situations and can sympathize with everything you say. Know first and foremost you are worthy of someone who truly loves you and respects you. You re going through this dark period right now but you will come out on the other side. Nar-anon is a great place to meet others face to face who can help. Welcome to the board. You will find so much support and understanding here.