I'm a professional - strict religious background - addiction is not a moral, intellectual, or financial weakness. It's good you are realizing this before you keep digging a deeper hole. Your bottoms will get lower - I know from experience. I NEVER EVER thought I would be there. In the Big Book there is a story - "Acceptance Was the Answer" and "Crossing the River of Denial" The latter story is about a young professional woman who started off with small problems, then kept setting lower and lower bottoms- all because she just couldn't have a problem?? I'm personally so grateful I found my recovery and AA because it addresses so many issues I have always had in my life. I think society would have us believe that the travesties of the likes of Lindsey Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Lisa Robin Kelly - there is some moral degrading/disgusting pathetic-ism about them - it's just the opposite.