Hey it's great you are here. I am professionally employed as well- At it's root addiction is a biological thing - some of us are more vulnerable than the rest of the population. Thinking back - I recall that I always loved a good buzz, where-ever it came from.
Now I avoid intoxicants for my own health and well being. The shame, struggle and torment are no longer part of my life
Staying sober is a lot easier than getting sober