Originally Posted by
Newtoanon 
Let's just say, this person gives as much as they receive. Even with all they went through they still had it in them to take care of me when I was in need after a family emergency left me blind sighted and in a state of shock.
My A was there for me at times like this also--he was around for the big dramatic stuff, but as far as being present in a day-to-day way, remembering conversations we had, even knowing where things were kept in the house, he was simply not there. That little daily stuff is the glue of a relationship, in my opinion. It's nice to get support from your partner when the world is falling down around you in a crisis, but if you and your needs and your life are being ignored the other 99% of the time, it's still not much of a relationship.
I've struggled with this also, wondering if the times he HAS been present have been "real" or have been just alcoholic manipulation or something else. I don't have an answer at all, and am not sure if it even matters or not. I think I do understand your mixed feelings, though, about your A and the fact that he/she did in fact do these things for you.