New and trying to learn
I can't say I'm new to addiction. Several family members have struggled, all but one have been incredibly successful. I also have friends and family who work closely with addicts and have had great insights for me and taught me a lot. But that was family. I guess this situation is different and I'm not intimately involved in this persons life (at least not at this time). But I want to learn more, and I may even need to be told to just walk away.
We dated for a very very short period (a month or so) but were open and honest from the start. I knew from the first date and we had many open conversations about what this person went through and was currently going through. I have an amazing amount of respect for this person. I truly believe they will be successful. Perhaps they'll relapse, but I know they take their recovery very seriously, it is priority number one as it should be.
When we started seeing each other, they believed they were ready to date. As did their sponsor. I asked. We talked boundaries. We were on the same page. About a month into it, they asked me to be exclusive and a few days later explained that the emotions involved were becoming a lot. They'd never been in a committed relationship sober and needed some time to figure things out. They were confused, cared about me a lot (I wholeheartedly believe this as their actions made this clear) but had to be selfish because sobriety came first. I 100% understand, respect and agree with this. So I stepped back. I reached out once after "taking space" and there was a response but again a request for space at this time. I was told they didn't want to close a door permanently "just right now" while they figure things out.
I know not to wait around and hope, and I'm not waiting but I do still hope. But I care very much for this person and want very much to be a part of their life. Is this just selfish of me? Is letting go the best thing I can do for them? With my family I knew to check in, make sure they knew I was there. But this is different. I want to respect their needs, but I also really enjoyed having them in my life. So. Straight talk. Walk away? Act with patience? Disappear? I believe them when they said they just need space to work things out but also know I need to live ,y own life too. So I'm torn.
Note: It may be silly but I'm using the plural pronoun as a way to try and give this person as much privacy as I can. Try to just keep this about my side of the situation. I dunno.