I'm not getting nitpicky here, but the A really leaves first. They abandon the family for their DOC. That's what I try to explain to people who want to make me feel bad for abandoning my AM. She abandoned me first, as a baby. The alcohol always came first. I didn't have a mother, I had a drunk who just happened to give birth to me. It's the same in any relationship with an addict. The moment they choose the DOC, they've left you.