Mutually Destructive?
Up until recently I had been in a relationship with a woman I love dearly. We started our relationship at a party and often got drunk and took various drugs together at parties and occasionally at home together. After about 16 months I realized that the drinking and drugs had spiraled out of control for the two of us although we both held down jobs and kept our house and lives in order. I (30) was 4 years older than my lover and found that the toll taken by everything (being hungover / guilt etc) was getting too much. I kept asking for her support in my abstinence as I knew that drinking and drugs was killing me / her, she would stay in bed and vomit uncontrollably all day after a session which is not a nice position to see the woman you love in. I kept requesting her not to bring drugs into the house or if she did, then not to tell me. She would say 'yes I support you and admire what you're trying to do" and then bring drugs in to the house and do them / let me know that she was doing them. I inevitably would end up getting involved and regret it hugely. I told her that I could't bear keeping on re-lapsing and that I would leave if she couldn't help and support me but not behaving in this way as I found it hard to resist temptation when it's right under my nose.
She would ask me not to drink so much and particularly not carry on into the next day but I couldn't stop although I new that if I didn't start it wouldn't be a problem!
We both new that after too many drinks and 2 days drinking I could get really mouthy towards her and verbally unkind, never violent or abusive so much as sarcastic and angry. (perhaps at my frustration at her for not supporting my continuing pleas for help / support).
After the scenario kept happening and various times of me saying I'll walk out if this keeps on happening…I left, I walked out to stay with my family and get clean and sober with their support (my dad is 40 years sober).
She moved in with her mother and is now also free from drugs (it's impossible to get them on the small island where she lives) but continues to drink like most normal people. She seems to be doing great.
I still love her with all my heart and although we said that we initially had quite a fair bit of communication and promised each other we would work through things slowly, she now has closed down all contact. I know I did the right thing for the both of us, but it's killing me that she won't communicate.
I kind of wish I'd just carried on and that we were still together. What are people's thoughts on this? 24 days sober and clean.