Welcome to SR......it's a rare place where many of us can related to your experiences. It's always heartbreaking when children are involved.
It sounds like you are doing a lot to try to keep things together.....are you taking care of yourself? We're pretty big on self care around here because often family members are so very busy taking care of everyone else......that they lose touch with themselves.
Stick around, read, participate, share your experience, strength and hope and others will do the same. You're not alone.
gentle hugs
ke