My First Post
Hi Everyone. Like many, I've been "lurking" here a while and this is my first post. I love this site and how supportive everyone is of each other. Not sure where to start, but I definitely need to do something about my alcoholism so this seems as good a place to start as any.
I won't go into the war stories about all of the horrible things alcohol has caused in my life other to say that after the 2 DUI's a few years ago & countless embarrassing "incidents" along the way, damaged relationships, etc. etc. I'm sure any "normal" person would have taken the hint and done something about it a long time ago. Such is the hypnotic hold of my old friend. I am very fortunate to have what I still have; loving parents, a long term steady job, a roof over my head, a couple of close friends, and many other things.
What I would really also like is my self esteem back (well, it was low to begin with, who am I kidding?), the constant stress of my actions when under the influence, and basically good relationships & a good life!
I wasn't a big drinker in high school or college; I think I crossed over the line about 2001 when I was working in a restaurant/nightclub & exposed to alcohol all the time (that was 1st DUI). Because I wasn't a big partier before and pretty sheltered, I got quite wrapped up in what I thought was the "glamour" of it all. The owner of the club took me under his wing (hey, youthful pretty women are pretty good for business) so I got free drinks all the time, came into contact with people who did lots of ex & coke, and met many celebrities as the owner was well connected.
After that things ebbed & flowed over the next several years. I attempted AA in 2007 and met my ex husband, who had 2 years at the time & was fully aware I was struggling. We got married & it was a mess, of course. I would hide the booze, he would find it, get mad, repeat the cycle. It was obviously a very unhealthy situation (I can say I am much happier not being married to him anymore for multiple reasons!).
So I am familiar with the dogma of AA & how it works. I plan to find a meeting tonight to attend. I know the ones I don't want to go to that my ex may possibly be at. My 1st experience was AA was bad (I feel) because I was very co dependent on him & looked to him for approval for what I was or wasn't doing right. Very bad, I know.
If you made it all the way through my ramble, my sincere thank you. I know I need to change a lot of things in order to get better. I don't want to die, but I hate my life as it is, so I think this is that "jumping off point" the BB talks about. I have been fairly isolated the last few months aside from work and need to take some action.