I also grieve for my lost, red-headed husband. He used to be so much fun.
But I can tell you that time and SPACE from the alcoholic can really clear your head. With distance, I am able to see just how f-d up the whole situation was, how badly he treated me, how miserable I was, how confused my kids were.
Nothing you can do for him. Everything you can do for yourself and your kids.
Al Anon and SR were my lifelines, but the real progress happened in counseling, working with a therapist who specialized in addiction. If you can do this for yourself, even just a handful of sessions, I highly recommend it.
Also, books. The most helpful were: "Under the Influence," "Codependent No More" and "The journey from abandonment to healing." The third book I wished I'd had the day I gave my AH the boot. It was like a roadmap for all the stages of grieving a mate who had abandoned me for vodka.
Hang in there.