Originally Posted by
EmmyG 
I feel scared, but I also feel negligent for being here, when it comes to my boys. It's not fair to them and they need me to be mature and stop going back and forth and living in delusion.
This is it exactly. They cannot help themselves in this situation; it's up to you as the adult to look out for them. Growing up in an alcoholic household is incredibly damaging--if you have any doubts, just check out the "Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents" section of the forum here:
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Your kids need ONE sane, mature, loving parent. From what you've posted, it looks like it's up to YOU to provide that. As others have mentioned, Alanon will be tremendously helpful for you. Not sure how old your kids are, but Alateen may be great for them also.
Stop wasting your time on an addict who has no interest in getting sober and put all the energy you've been spending on that into getting a new, healthy life for you and your kids. Others here have done it and so can you.
Wishing you clarity to see your path and strength to follow it.