I was about to reply particularly to littlefish's response but as I appreciate your combined input, I'll address you all. Bit long, I'm afraid...
First of all, thanks for your input - it and that of Al-Anon are fast becoming invaluable.
I'd asked the question, 'Is my wife ever sober?' Tonight's happenings strongly imply the answer is no.
I did lots of errands today, among which was going to the rifle club, with Christmas cards, etc. A fellow-shooter, Sheila, had shortened two of my wife's skirts - very quickly and highly professionally. She'd already repaired another dress, so I paid her £15 in cash, her price for the three jobs.
Taking the clothes home later, I expected my wife to be pleased. She was, until I mentioned what I'd paid out...she just said "no" and intends to call Sheila tomorrow,
This was on top of her monitoring the bank accounts again, demanding that she be repaid for the shopping. The key point is that this was on a booze-free night, and the bottle I photographed on my way out is untouched.
Despite no drinking since last night's 1.5 bottles on top of probably 2/3 of one at lunchtime, she remains nasty.
I'd just like to point out that my counsellor is just that, not a therapist. In the UK, a counsellor explores and examines problems, and shouldn't really offer practical advice.
The 'buy wifey a bottle' thing is clearly very wrong, as you so rightly say. Perhaps my even considering it is a measure of the desperation I'm feeling. I've studied psychology myself and know that paradoxical interventions have their place. But not in addiction scenarios. Thank you for stopping me!
On the lighter note, I've just returned from the archery club's 'fun shoot'. I had a lovely evening, with friendly people. I was on the winning team and we all had a great time. NB: no nastiness, threats, criticisms, etc. Just banter.
Right now, Box, I'm downstairs in the kitchen...as you say, out of the way.I'm working on my own stuff, multitasking away. She's been in bed most of the day and evening, just did some washing up and ironing.Otherwise, she was watching TV.
I hate being accused of dishonesty. I hate that it's now "my money" and "your money". And I'm sick of being severely overdrawn and accused of frittering money away. In fact, I've been propping up the house/business/marriage with 'my money' for years. Guess what - she's a bit overdrawn...and she doesn't like it one bit.
Sorry to witter on but it helps. And Christmas? I'd rather not think of it.