Hi Snood, one quick question, what do you get out of all of this?
Since you attend Alanon I suggest that you do some serious reading on detachment. I know it really helped me to learn that I wasn't responsible for my alcoholic wife's
drinking,
not drinking,
happiness,
supply of booze,
projects,
laundry,
cleaning up after,
company,
entertainment,
or anything else she was capable of doing for herself.
I was allowed to focus on me and what I enjoy doing and I didn't need her permission to do it.
It's a great feeling to set yourself free.
Your friend,