nandm

It was after multiple times of swearing off drinking because something bad would happen because of my drinking then I would stop drinking for a while but after a bit my mind would always say that since I had stopped drinking for "x" amount of time then I could not be an alcoholic so I must just need to moderate my drinking better and I would be off to the races again with my drinking. I swam around in that toilet for too many years until finally one day during a dry period I realized that I did not really know how to do anything without wanting to drink even something as simple as mow the lawn because what I really wanted when I mowed the lawn was a cooler full of iced down beer waiting on me to get done. I realized how much my life had come to revolve around alcohol from the "friends" I had to my job. When I wasn't drinking my mind was thinking ahead and planning when I would be able to drink. I finally realized that this was not normal drinker behavior and that I was an alcoholic. It still took me a little bit to actually find long term sobriety after that realization but it was the key that opened the door to recovery for me.