TF ...they're being mean plain and simple. It's addictive behavior. They see you as weak, as a puppet that they can manipulate. To quote my favorite therapist (dr phil lol), "people treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated". This one always stuck with me.
When they act that way about the sweater, drink etc, it's not about the "thing" ..it's about them pulling the puppet strings. When my daughter would throw her tantrums I would tell her I was going to call mobile mental health if she didn't stop. She would slam, stomp out the door, wander the neighborhood talking/cursing to herself (loudly), then come back and sit in her room. She can't regulate herself, never could.
I think you should take your son out to lunch or somewhere he would like to go for the afternoon. Just you and him. You'd be surprised how much he will open up to you. Be his ally. Maybe he will just share his thoughts about everything. Show him what a strong woman looks like so he will choose one himself (he's at that age ugh).
You're getting there TF. Stay strong my friend!