strange state of mind
I致e been in a strange state for a few days and have been thinking about posting about it. So here goes. I知 not down. I知 not up. I知 not up on the pink cloud, and I知 not trudging through the mire. While the pesky AV continues to chirp away, I知 a million miles away from listening, or acting. But I知 not happy, and not sad. It is almost like a strange lull, or perhaps a bit of shock? My mind had been, for so long, consumed with the tornado of addiction: desire to consume, shame and guild twhen I do, desire to quit, longing to be the person I want to be. Now, this part of the war is over (yet I know it could return at any moment), and here I am, fighting the next battle-staying sober, the commitment. I知 thankful, but celebration seems inappropriate. Does that make any sense? Perhaps this is actually rather simple: I知 just getting used to the full-range of sober existence again? Still, none of this is hitting it exactly. It痴 like I知 in some middle-zone, limbo or something, wandering around an old crime scene, or returning from some sort of war. Anyone have any experience with this kind of state?
Hmm. . .another parallel I just thought of. In my yougner days, I did a bit of touring with my band. The longest I was out was 6 weeks. I feel now very similar to how it feels to be off the road. Like a long journey just abruptly ended, one whole different reality just came to a screeching halt (the road is another reality) and you are dropped into normal life. You feel like a creature in your own mind, part of the world, but looking in from a distance. . .Kind of like this, but also different. ???