I agree. If the US Embassy has said not to go I too would not go. I understand you are still bitter, who would not be. However I would carry on with your own life in your own country. What is he going to do about it? If you can get the Embassy's advise in writing (via email, etc) or record them telling you that it would be even better.
I understand your children would like to go. However, that is not necessarily what is best for them at this point.
Hugs and support to you Pippi. Find time to go to a meeting and keep getting support for YOU.