Snood....have you thought about separate accounts? That is one of the very first things the counselor told us to do. He said every single couple should have separate accounts. This was not talking about addicts, etc, just what a married couple should do.
I agree, she is treating you like a child. You are a grown, responsible adult. Do you really have to account for if you spend $20? What if you just felt like it. She is completely overlooking the true issue...she was not even sober to be able to discuss it if you want to.
QUACK...QUACK...QUACK.
Gentle hugs. I am sorry you are going through this. You can disengage and not jump onto her crazy train. That is one thing you are not forced to do. I recently stepped off and it feels very good! It took me years to learn to disengage...but boy has it paid off in spades!