Snood, you seem to walk into it every time. Your AW chooses the time and place to ambush you and you spend however long it is explaining to her. While she's drunk. Her idea of having a talk when she's sober is sensible, but it could have come from you. You could have finished the scene with 'we'll discuss it in the morning when you're sober'.
You are feeling sorry for yourself as a victim - sworn at, doubted, accused etc etc. I know it sounds harsh, but while you engage with her when she's like this, what do you expect?
It seems that in these situations she takes on a parent role and you become the naughty child. That's not appropriate for an adult relationship.
I'm sure you're working this through with your therapist, but I'd be interested to know if your mother was an overbearing person, and you're flashing back to her when your wife gets angry.