Originally Posted by
Croissant 
Hi LuLu. I hope you don't mind me saying this, as I am an alcoholic.
You sound very angry at your ex and of course you want your child to have nice memories. But what's most important is how a YOU handle this in front of your son. There's no point playing martyr and bad mouthing your ex to your son, he has that message loud and clear. (This could be an assumption, but even before you texted your ex, your first post seemed very angry, sorry.)
It appears to be an assumption you have made.
I make no apologies for being angry and blowing off steam H E R E.
I did not, do not, have never and will not bad mouth my children's' father in front of them. They will come to their own realization and truth about what a LOSER drunk and drug addict their father is without my help.
In the car on the way to the graduation I told the kids that I was sorry their father was not coming. I told them that I had done all I could - forwarding all emails from the school containing days, times, events, costs etc. I even created a Word document, bullet pointed, with days, times, events and costs and sent that to their father. Oh and of course the text that I didn't want to send because it seemed too enabling (didn't tell the kids that) but did anyway for their sake. I told them that their father was not coming despite all the reminders because he is an alcoholic and a drug addict and
this is what they do.
I wanted to say it was really because he's a ******* ******** who just wants to do oral on a bottle and a bong and watch porn but I managed to restrain myself.
We are coming up to their 2nd Xmas with their father out of the house. I know he will not bother to do anything for his kids at Xmas. He hasn't bothered to even get them a card with 5 bucks in it for their birthdays. One kid has now gone through two birthdays filled with XAH's false promises. It was his graduation. I think he may be starting to see a pattern by now...
My 94 year old grandmother is still able to acknowledge her great grandchildren on their birthdays and at Xmas, she forgets their names sometimes but she at least makes a freakin' effort.
I'm angry with HIM but I'm also angry with ME. I sent that freakin' enabling text. My inner Pollyanna was hoping that the text would ensure he would do the right thing, give him a reminder to do the right thing, give him a chance to do the right thing. BUT, like I always say, if my XAH is given a choice between two things, one of which is obviously the right and kind and adult thing to do and one of which is selfish and so OBVIOUSLY wrong, one which will hurt other people, he's always gonna' pick choice number 2.
E v e r y s i n g l e f r e a k i n' t i m e.