PippiLngstockng

Hi SR,

My children were court-ordered to return to the US to celebrate Christmas and stay with their father there. So the judge thought four children could fly on their own, but I am not leaving them to fly over that ocean without me!

We leave Thursday and will stay with my mother and see my side of the family. I don't want to stay with them at all, as my FOO has a lot of problems and I don't really relate to them well. Also I have lost some of them over the years to illnesses - the ones I did relate to in fact - it is not easy regardless of the rest.

Being court-ordered to leave my home and forced to celebrate Christmas elsewhere has put me in a difficult state. I am still responsible for creating Christmas but I think this is all bringing me to different lows and I am fighting to keep from emotionally drowning. I am not doing great. I think a lot about how alcoholics drink and how falling into a bit of oblivion would really be a nice respite for now.

Then the day after Christmas the children's father will pick them up and drive them six hours to his (my former) family house where my personal belongings are still trapped and xah refuses to give them back (my clothes, music, files, books, photos from college, etc). The children stay ten days surrounded by people who believe xah's lies that I left him because I wanted s life of leisure in Europe, I made up the violence, I exaggerated the drinking, I put him in the poorhouse by spending all his money, etc).

My lawyer quit whenthe appraiser wrote that xah destroyed our house so it doesn't have much value left.

I called the US Embassy in the meantime and they warned me that I should not follow the judge's orders because Xah could abduct the children while they are in the US. They said don't go, it is far too risky. But two of my children really want to go so I am going to have to find a place to stay near my family home to watch over the children and make sure he returns them to the airport.

In all of this I have to buy gifts, decorate trees and I just don't feel too great.

Thanks for listening. I haven't had the time to go to Al Anon or be with friends. I have been too busy trying to get a job, pay the bills, keep upwith the housework, make sure the children do their homework and pack for this unwanted trip.

I imagine I will feel good again when it is all over.

Thanks for hearing me, SR.