Acheleus, have you tried any other recovery paths? AA isn't the only game in town. It definitely wasn't for me as I have an internal locus of control. There is smart recovery, rational recovery, lifering, and many others. I'm at 31 days, and also have depression. I found that mindfulness and AVRT along with The wonderful SR people here have made my difficult path so much easier. Let go of your feelings, they will pass. Be kind to yourself.