gabigoo

Here I am again telling him he has to leave. This is the second time in the past year. The last time was 7 months ago when I had it with his drinking- he chose to take that time away to go into rehab and get clean. He's been clean since but stopped getting help and going to meetings. He is so aweful now and we are back to the same old insanity. I have had it. I am tired of this drama. We have been married for over 5 years and together for 10 but what more can I do? Nothing! It is all up to him. He is in a terrible depression and is not taking any steps to get better. He just sleeps. I wish I could just sleep all of the time but we have 2 kids. That is one of the reasons I had to tell him to go. I can't do this in front of them anymore! He is not the father I want for our kids. And I can't go on anymore. I love him. I love him so much but I can't go on living like this. I know he is not capable of changing or becoming the man that I want or deserve. Why should I waste more years of my life going on like this.

I told him today that I want a separation but he is pulling the same old sob story of how much he loves me and the kids and he just has to get his head on straight. How many times have we all heard this, right? Too many. And how many more times should I accept this excuse? Well, I told him that I need him to move out and do whatever he feels he needs to do. That is my choice and he has to accept it! He still won't talk about separating b/c I think he feels this will pass in a week or two like before. But I am not so sure.

I am really scared right now. I'm scared what my life will be like without him. How our kids (3 1/2 and 22 months) will handle this. I know I will be able to take care of the kids and such since I always have done it alone. But I am really scared. I am just so sad right now that this is where my life had taken me!

Thank you so much for letting me vent!