Some great resources on this site. The one about '10 Ways an Addict is Full of Crap', especially the last bit about Love vs Toxic Love really spoke to me.
It also helped me feel better about the no contact. If we're ever going to have an actual, healthy relationship then growing more independent and focusing on my own future is essential. No wonder the 'supportive environment' I was trying to create wasn't working. I told him I'd be on the other side of recovery if he was ready to work on us then. I hope that was the right thing to say. If it wasn't, well, I can't let myself keep going back to explain things.