I understand about drinking for escape.
I did it for 20 years - 'you'd drink too if you had my life...'
The only problem is it brings a few hours respite, at best, but also it brings along things like disgust, remorse, guilt, fear, shame and despair with it.
I still have my life, still disabled, still housebound, still not great health, but I no longer drink on it.
I see others with worse lives than I've ever had, not drinking on it too.
It took me about 12 months of strict budgeting to be debt free, but it was worth it.
Thats about all I have to offer Jade, a promise that not drinking will make it better.
I hope 2014 will be a better year for you.
D