When life got unbearable for me, I turned to alcohol.
When that solution turned on me as well, I found support and recovery.
My life's not that much materially better - I'm still under the poverty line - but I'm happy, I'm well fed, I have shelter and I'm sober, I spend my days doing useful worthwhile things for myself and others. I'm grateful for what I have.
I'm really not having a go at you there, or when I say I don't miss the despair drinking bought or the feeling sorry for myself either....
I see now a lot of that was alcohol driven, even when I wasn't drinking...I was primed to drink because of the way I was feeling
Find some support Jade.
I really hope you can stop drinking, find a job, and turn things around soon
If you can;t pay the rent, speak to the landlord sooner than late - maybe you can work out a deal...look for all the assistance you're entitled to - & hit the local Food Bank.
D