I guess it's just that I've been trying for so long, that after a while when nothing works, you feel like there's nothing to fight towards or for. When you make $8 an hour, take out the taxes, then calculate rent, electric, gas, and other bills, you barely have enough for food and even transportation. At the moment, walking to and from work seems worth it to be able to have a drink at the end of your crappy day.
I'm not using my circumstances as an excuse, I know I am an alcoholic, that isn't the issue here. I'm talking from a standpoint of life in and of itself. When life is unbearable because of circumstances you haven't been able to overcome, what in the hell are you supposed to do?