Brave, what scares me is your AH's physical violence towards you. His rages and binges began many years ago, and you have been the target of his anger for many years. His binges result in black-outs; he cannot control behavior that he cannot even remember.
He is trained as a soldier and policeman. That means that he has been taught to use weapons to resolve conflict; appropriate when he is on duty, but highly inappropriate in his personal life.
By spring 2012, he totally breached his professional and personal duty to keep civilians safe:
He dumped my purse, flipped the kitchen table over on top of me, flipped over all the living room furniture, and ripped out the kitchen drawers. He then pulled some knives from the butcher block and walked toward me while holding them. I ran into the yard and refused to come back inside. He didn’t pursue me out there; he eventually went upstairs. I checked on him after a little while and saw that he had taken out his pistol from the gun safe and had passed out with it next to him.
If you google "Mosaic Threat Assessment", you will find a confidential on-line questionnaire that many police around the US, including the police force for the United States Congress, use to determine potential for violence in an individual. I suggest that you look it with your AH in mind.
What you have already endured - and survived - is grave domestic violence. He put a kitchen table on top of you, threatened you with butcher block knives and God knows what he might have done with his gun if he had not blacked out. Had the police been called, he would have been charged with assault.
As a sufferer of severe emotional and verbal abuse that ultimately caused me to flee my 20 year marriage, I found myself in denial about how serious my AH's abuse really was. I had learned to see my life through HIS eyes, not my own. I couldn't fathom how bad it was until I left and had enough distance and perspective to truly open my eyes.
Your AH, as are all of our alcoholic partners, is not just mainly a good guy who has a few occasional problems. He is one being and he contains are the good AND all that barely contained roiling anger. It isn't that you are walking down a good path with a few holes to avoid. It is more like walking a path with a volcano beneath it that may or may not erupt.
One thing about having a single counselor work with both alcoholic and spouse is the best treatment for one of them may not be the best course for the other, and the counselor can be compromised or end up kind of 'splitting the difference' and trying to preserve the marriage. You might find it useful to talk with someone understands domestic abuse.
People here have given you hard won and good advice here. As always on SoberRecovery, I speak from my own experience - take what you want and leave the rest; it is written with concern and compassion.
ShootingStar1