Originally Posted by
PaulOwen 
Hey guys. I wrote the other night about my decision to go out then my deciding against that. I'm on my 133rd day and here's where I'm at:
I just got off the phone with who I presume is now my ex-sponsor. I told him Saturday that because of my lack of physical evidence and being 22, I needed to test the waters again. He said that he had a conversation with another guy who took him through the steps yesterday that said that I absolutely had to go and test the waters. Hearing this when I made the decision not to after saying to myself and others I was going out to drinking and smoke a joint that night was SO ******* frustrating.
I've been involved in AA up until this point, but I honestly attribute some of its policies that are in the literature and spread by word of mouth to my feeling like I should go out the other night. In the past few weeks I've heard people talking about "earning their seat" and how people without extensive or destructive histories haven't yet, either by their own decree or by others. Well, after the other day of having to look over my decision, I felt my conscience overrun by the feelings I had when I was smoking weed on daily basis and drinking in excess at certain points. This reversed my decision.
If we keep in mind that not everything said anywhere, including AA, means everything to everybody, then it's easier to realise everybody has an opinion, right or wrong, and so on and so on.
Forget about "earning your seat" in AA. No requirement to worry about any of that noise. Some folk for whatever personal reasons like to use the phrase for leveraging their opinion of others. None of their business, really. It's every persons own call at what brings them to AA, what keeps them with AA, and as well, what has them moving on from AA.
Me, I never tell anyone they need to go back out and use and abuse some more, as if they'll learn something. There's nothing to learn again about drinking if you've made up your mind to quit, imo. Others disagree, fine by me - it's not about me what opinion others have about other people going back out.
Things can get twisted around when it goes around, lol. It's always advised to not take for granted the source of whatever, imo. Nothing beats being informed - and each of us are the best judge for ourselves if going back out, even for a single drink or toke, is justifiable or not. Nothing out there is worth the risk of experimenting. Sure people can drink if they have set their minds to it, it is what it is for any of us - it's on us to make that call for ourselves. My advice would be for them to reconsider, change their minds for the better life.
As for working the steps alone, that would be a tough go of it, I'm thinking. There are plenty of other AA people around at other meetings you can relate to before going alone within AA program makes for a good choice. Not everybody in AA will rub you wrong, so give yourself as many chances at as many meetings as makes sense for you going forward.
Interesting thread. Good on you for not going out, Paul.