Is it possible that this IS the worst it will get though? AH has never come even close to being physically abusive, but I do see now that he can be emotionally abusive when he's drinking.
Anything is possible.
The man I married went from being incredibly supportive to indifferent to emotionally abusive to threatening my life over a period of 20 years. In retrospect, had I known what was coming, I would never have married him. Or at least left before I was running for my life. That's my story.
So even if this is the worst it ever gets for you -- is this the way you dreamed of living your life? Being fearful of speaking your mind to the person who is supposed to be your closest supporter and ally in this life?
You haven't lost your mind. But it's easy to feel that way when you're living with an addict.