prodigal

You didn't Cause the drinking, you cannot Control the drinking, and you cannot Cure the drinking. I know you're pissed. Hell, I'm the queen of anger and sarcasm. What does it get me? More insanity! If you so much as attempt to argue, reason, plead, beg, criticize, WHATEVER, with a drunk YOU will become as crazy as he or she is.

My husband gets drunk on Friday night and generally sobers up - but not all the time - on Sunday afternoon. After all, he has to be half-sane when he shows up at work on Monday. If you don't play into your A's hand and quit "dancing" with him, he'll just ratchet up the ante. My AH called the police on me this past Friday night. You know why? I slammed our bedroom door in anger and locked him out after he started getting verbally nasty with me. I have NEVER slammed a door in my entire life! He stood outside the door and demanded I speak to him. Well, I didn't want to, so he said if I didn't speak to him he was going to call the cops - which he did!

So there I stood in my skivvies at 1 a.m. explaining to a police officer that I had not threatened, pushed, shoved, brandished a knife at, or cursed at my husband - nor had I ever behaved in such a way. See how they get when you won't allow them to control you? My AH was determined I WOULD get involved in his drama-fest no matter what and I WOULD speak to him or else I would be "humiliated" in front of a law officer. Frankly, I wasn't humiliated but I sure got p.o.'d - which is EXACTLY what my AH wanted!!

I later contacted the police officer and explained the situation and apologized to him for having been called off patrol to deal with some drunk's controlling attitude. He understood and said, "No problem."

Of course, the next morning it was as if nothing happened, and my A's looney way of apologizing (which is acceptable from his point of view) was to bring me coffee in bed and ask if he could make me breakfast. THIS IS THE INSANITY OF THE DISEASE. They'll get you on the roller coaster of emotions IF YOU ALLOW THEM DO TO SO.

I slipped and allowed it. So that was yesterday. Now I'm focused on today. Now I'm focused on me. Now I'm focused on dealing with my own anger and my own expectations. Just keep this in mind: an addict will NEVER meet your expectations as long as they're in active addiction because they're incapable of meeting their own needs!

I understand that everyone blows their top when they're dealing with an alkie and when it happens to me, I run to the nearest meeting. It helps. And I quit pooping all over myself for slipping and I focus on getting back on track. It takes patience, practice and time but eventually I'll get to the point where all the b.s. the A throws off me will roll off my back - no matter how high he ups the ante!