gaaaaaaaaaah frustration
I came so close to drinking tonight, narrowly avoided it, but its left me feeling sore and wounded.
After 3 months of being sober, i've been very isolated but OK, but started a new job recently (after being made redundant) and tonight was the christmas party of this new company.
After being isolated for so long, and with these new people, I didnt want to give the wrong impression and not go, so I was going to go to this party. But then, I felt the feelings of wanting to drink, getting stronger through the day. About an hour before I was supposed to leave I realised I would drink if I went. So having had a very long conversation with myself, im sat at home in my pyjamas and am sober.... but feel a bit battered and bruised from the fight..
To go to a party and start drinking after 3 months, would definitly lead to me saying something incredibly stupid to someone, id be drunk after 1 drink. So I know its the right thing to do.
But, now the loneliness blues are gnawing away at me... how f'in annoying...