Disappointed
I'd like to begin by apologizing for the length of this post, but I have no one to discuss this with.
I was here nearly a year ago because I was pretty much at the end of my rope - and my marriage. I got a lot of advice to attend Al-Anon meetings, which made me very nervous for several reasons. In the end, I did not go.
I did issue an ultimatum to my AH to quit drinking or get a divorce lawyer. He did not quit, but he moderated it to a degree where life was semi-bearable again, while I waited to see if he really could "take care of it himself."
The answer, of course, was "no." Over the last 3 or 4 months, it's slowly gotten very bad again, to the point that he was unbelievably intoxicated every day that he didn't work (he may drink before work and after work, but not while at work...yet, anyway. And which brings on a whole new set of resentments on my part). The five days we took off for the holiday were a nightmare; he was completely in the bag each day by noon. It was more than a little embarrassing on Thanksgiving, which we hosted - his family arrived at 1 pm and he was already slurring his words. By the time they left, around 6 pm, he could barely walk. This happened again on Friday and Saturday. Sunday night we had another huge fight where I, again, told him to get sober or be prepared to be single, and that he MUST seek outside help, since he so obviously could not quit on his own.
I also told him I was going to Al-Anon on Tuesday night, which I did.
To say that I was disappointed in the meeting is an understatement. The "newcomer meeting" was fine; the gentleman I spoke with was lovely, and very understanding about my concerns (I'm an atheist). He did a great deal to put me at my ease, but the meeting itself was NOT what I expected.
Don't get me wrong - everyone was welcoming and kind. Because it was the first meeting of the month, they began the meeting with reading the 12 Steps and the 12 Traditions (I don't know if this is common of all Al-Anon meetings, or just this particular one), which I was fine with. Then the discussion became about how to apply one of the Steps and one of the Traditions to our lives (Ten, in this case). Okay, I'm fine with that, too.
Afterwards, I was approached by two very nice people who encouraged me to return for the six recommended meetings so I could be sure the program was right for me. I assured them I would, even though my AH was not happy about my attendance. The one lady smiled at me and said,
"Yes, they think we sit around and complain about them, when we never talk about them at all. We focus on ourselves here - if you find a meeting where they actually talk about addiction, you're at a bad meeting."
A little taken aback, I asked, "What about practical advice on how to deal with it?"
To which she replied, "You just take one day at a a time."
If that's it, I don't know how much use it will be. While I certainly understand the need for such a diverse group of people to avoid discussing outside issues, such as politics (I wouldn't anyway - that's not what I'm there for), and understand the value of taking a "personal inventory" and admitting when I'm wrong, I was under the impression the others would speak about their situations and how they deal with them. Instead, I found out that no one expected me to talk about my situation at all, and that the topic would, in fact, be quite unwelcome.
Is this common? If it is, I seriously doubt if I'll return.