Yes, you do have to want it. It sounds like he admitted that he is not at that point yet, which I have to give him props for. One good step is being honest.
I felt the need to stop taking pills but almost never the desire, until this past week. Like your boyfriend, I also stood up family on Thanksgiving. All I wanted was to find more of my substance. My family then told me to either get clean or get out of their lives. I asked to see them privately that day, we talked a bit, and I haven't touched a pill since. Today is day 7. I literally thew myself into sobriety because I needed it. And I wanted it, truly, for the first time.
It has taken me 13 sobriety attempts to get to this point.
Unfortunately fear is a BIG issue with any addiction. Addicts fear being permanently without the substance they feel they need.
I think you and your boyfriend are taking good steps, but the only thing that will really prove if he is serious is time. He can make promises all he wants. Actions speak louder than words. This is what I have learned this past week.
Since I am the addict I will tell you that honesty is the first step. He isn't ready to stop drinking but he has admitted that he is fearful and that takes some courage. On the other hand, it's not difficult to see that this has been extremely hard on you, as it is with family members of addicts.
I've been on both sides because my Father was an addict for years as I was growing up, long before I became one. I had to kick him out of my life for a period of 3 years because I just couldn't take it anymore. He kicked his demons and we reconciled.
Unfortunately ultimatums typically do not work. He is the only one who can make the choice to get clean and stay clean.
I don't know if anything I have said has helped. I ask you this- are you willing to give him a chance or do you feel that you are at the end of your rope?