Does both a want and a need to be sober have to occur to be successful?
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. During those two years he has gone to rehab, become sober a handful of times, and every time has gone back to drinking. The last time he was sober over the summer lasted 3-4 months and while he admitted most days were good he said some days were bad and those bad days are what caused him to eventually seek alcohol. He has relied solely on Antabuse to keep him sober which I know is part of the problem because he was a dry drunk.
Last week he and I started seeing a counselor to help him work through his anxiety which is what he says is a big trigger for him and he has made a doctor's appointment for medication to help him further with his anxiety. He has spoken frequently about going to AA meetings but he never does end up going because he is also an introvert and is uncomfortable in social situations (he uses alcohol in social situations) which is yet another thing working against him in his addiction.
Our relationship came to a head when he went out last Wednesday night and got so trashed he stood me up when he committed to attend a Thanksgiving dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. Let me tell you I was mortified to show up by myself and I felt so badly they went to all the trouble to fix so much food and only 3 of us ended up eating it. At that point I told him if he wasn't ready to go back on Antabuse and seek further help then we should not be communicating in any way until our next counseling session this coming Friday.
He made empty promises over the weekend about taking Antabuse and then would show up to my house after having consumed large amounts of alcohol. Finally I told him Sunday, no more communication until Friday and he has respected that. Sunday was the last I heard from him until today when he called and told me he's done a lot of thinking and he was ready to take Antabuse and come back. Of course I have reservations about this. I want this to be the truth but I'm scared it isn't. In the phone call he told me his body hasn't been functioning properly and this is something he 100% needs. He says he wants to be with me but he's not 100% there on the want to stop drinking which I do contribute to the alcoholic talking as he is knee deep in active alcoholism.
I hear so much about people who get scared into becoming sober like ending up in hospitals. I'm sure they know they NEED to stop drinking but do they ever feel the WANT? Do these things both have to occur at the same time or is it possible the need will make the want follow suit? Since I don't have a substance abuse problem this is all just so perplexing to me. Hopefully what I said makes sense and someone can shed a light on an alcoholic mind for me.