Day 11
My big ugly monster keeps trying to rear it's head ... every time I read about someone having a slip or relapse, that nasty voice whispers in my ear "lots of people do it ... almost everyone has at some point". I know where that thought is going and I shut it down as soon as I realize what's going on in there. I also had the very real thought "I can't WAIT for that beer after work" after a sketchy situation at work. My next thought was "hang on ... I don't DO that anymore" (thankfully) and the thought did not intrude as I was driving home past the beer store. It's unnerving when I realize how my brain is working ... it's scary and makes me question whether I can make it or not. I made it today, so that's a good thing (day 11) ... one more down and I'd like another 24 please. Sometimes I have to grind through minute by minute, play the tape ... but that voice, that monster can be soooo seductive sometimes.