Chicory - I know how long you've been dealing with this, some of the flack you've received (IMO) to just toss him out, but I couldn't do it in your situation.
As far as pride - my dad is a very intelligent man, a hard worker, BUT he needs counseling, he needs al-anon (as you know my stepmom just died from an accidental OD) and he acts insulted when I mention it. He's promised to go to our long-time pastor, but doesn't. He's promised a lot of things that he doesn't follow through because "I'm too damned busy trying to make a living" Partly true, but if he wanted to, he could find time.
Has your son ever volunteered for anything? When I was at rock bottom, clean but jobless, I was extremely depressed and felt worthless. What kept coming to my mind was everyone here saying "volunteer". My first thought was "and how in the hell is THAT going to help me pay bills" but it stuck in my mind.
I mentioned it to a friend from school (we actually hadn't met, yet, but were really close) and she said "you need to check out ----". It was a sr. center down the road from me, never heard of it, didn't know it existed.
I applied, I had to take a background check and I stressed. I got the call from "the other Amy" who is in charge of volunteers and she said "how often do you want to work". I said "every day!!!" I started out at 3 days/week, and in no time I was working every day they were open (I worked the lunch shift, dished out food until I found my TRUE calling at working the floor - picking up trays, talked with all KINDS of people, I don't know that I've ever had a job I enjoyed more.
I didn't know, until another volunteer asked me "how many hours do you have?" that they let people volunteer who are working off community service. Some, I still keep in touch with and they are doing well.
I became friends with everyone, and they all knew I needed a job. One of the employees (and several members) mentioned how well I dealt with older people, was I interested in doing that for a living?
Employee gave me a list of agencies, first one I checked out wanted me REALLY bad but I failed the credit check. My buddy employee said "go down the list". Next one I applied at, they got my application on Monday, I interviewed on Tue. attended orientation on Thu. and did my first assignment on Fri.
I work through the company, I work with people who just pay me. I currently have 2 families that consider me family.
I don't know if this would work with your son, but it might be worth a try? I have a cousin who is severely autistic and she has a "job" and loves it! She doesn't communicate well, but she makes SURE she is at her job on time.
I just know that feeling needed and appreciated goes a long way, and even if it's volunteer? There's nothing like people who adore you because you are helping. I think that would boost your son's sense of self. He's really good with your kitties...maybe an animal shelter where he can walk dogs or something (I'd make sure it's a no kill one, though, as I know I would not be able to handle loving an animal only to lose it).
Just thinking outside of the box, but I know your son has a big heart, he's sensitive, and his self esteem is low. That? He and I share.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy