Originally Posted by
jarp 
And I hate myself and my own fear about being alone. I have started therapy but obviously its a process.
I am reading Co-dependent no more and am doing the exercises and thought I was learning to detach. But from my overwhelming feelings last night, my lack of sleep, and my depression today I guess Im not doing as well as I thought.
Take heart, Jarp. You are doing ok, even though it doesn't feel like it! Yes, untangling this stuff is a long, difficult process that often goes in fits and starts, rarely a nice smooth curve.
I haven't seen my xABF for over 4 months, but we still talk occasionally. I thought I could handle that, but nope. Last time we talked, I ended up sad, mad, disheartened and undone, much like you describe in your post.
I was trying to calmly describe my feelings about a possible future for us (he asked!), and when I mentioned how the last time we were together, which ended in a 2 week bender for him, pretty much killed our future for me, he said I was full of crap. My FEELINGS are CRAP. Yup, he came right out and said it.
At least he was honest, and I know where I stand.
Still working on why and how I would remotely tolerate this. I hope you keep on with your work, too. ((hugs))