Oh Jarp - my thoughts are with you - how they can twist things, how they believe what they want to believe - how they say thing to hurt - they are projecting their skewed version to us. He is safeguarding his drinking..... Don't take it personally.
like others said, try Al Anon - it's for us, not them - it helps us cope with living with the insanity of our lives, it helps us rediscover who we were, it gives us back our self dignity- it teaches us to love ourselves before the alcoholic. Like Dublin says - it teaches us to regain and hold on to our power, our inner strength ...
Lots of hugs...