Ugh.
Look, he NEEDS this to be about you so that it doesn't have to be about HIM. It feels intensely personal, but it actually isn't. You are a casualty of proximity. His addictive voice is fighting to maintain the status quo.
You don't have to accept this and you deserve a lot better. It is possible to be in a relationship with someone who considers your feelings and sees you as a real, whole person. Is that possible with your AH? I don't know. Maybe. Someday? But who is right now is a drowning man fighting to hang on to a rope that is slipping through his fingers. His entire existence revolves around that fight, and it doesn't leave any room for anyone else. Whether you stay or go, do not let him drag you under the water, too.
Hugs, courage, and strength.