Originally Posted by
sourcranberry 
I guess the more obvious general question I have is what is the most effective way to tell an alcoholic "no, I won't do what you want" without them going completely ballistic?
LOL! I think we all want the answer to that one. I am in a similar situation (I moved out of state to get away), though my axb has not been to any treatment or ever entertained the idea that he has a problem with alcohol or is abusive in any fashion when he drinks- he doesn't remember it, so it must not have happened. I just keep dumping him, over and over. I only talk to him if he's sober, and when he says he misses me I say "I bet you do" and leave it at that. We also have a child together, and for the most part he has totally ignored our son. When he's drunk he hangs up phone on DS, when he's sober he's too busy being righteously angry with me (for "walking out on him") to make the effort to call.