prodigal

It wasn't until my fifth meeting (are we still allowed to mention Al-Anon even though we can't use their name for our board any longer?) that a pinpoint of light came through the black curtain that had me stumbling around angry, anxious, controlling and depressed almost ALL of the time. But that pinpoint of light allowed me to have the first "good" day I've had in years.

Suddenly, I "got" what it was all about. I'm a neophyte at working the 12 steps, but what strength and hope I'm receiving from listening to the voices of members who have been coming to meetings for years - some for over 25! And they still slip even after thoroughly working the program. But it's okay ... we're always seeking progress, not perfection.

For the first time in my relationship with my husband, I was able to focus on me instead of him. Yes, I still tense up when he comes in the door with a box full of various wines but I get on the phone and call another member or I get my rear to a meeting ASAP.

For the first time in my life I was able to be totally honest in a room full of people - most of whom were virtual strangers to be - and admit that my anger was the great shield I've worn for so long to hide the deep pain, sorrow and hurt I feel as I watch someone I love destroying his life.

If I hadn't found this board by some miracle, I would still be procrastinating about going to a meeting and making a commitment to work a program, and yes, I'd still be venting about my AH rather than attending to my own needs. I owe so much to so many of you here who by your own example and own opinions gently guided me (and I bet you didn't even realize you were doing that for me most of the time!) to admit to myself that I had hit bottom and needed my Higher Power to start on the road to having a manageable, sane life!