Just catching up on your post; so sorry for the situation you are in. I have a two year old so my thoughts go to your daughter as well. I was wondering if your wife has ever had any kind of treatment? Have you ever considered an intervention involving other family members and perhaps a professional addiction specialist? Denial is truly just one of the symptoms of the disease, and the guilt and shame could be simply for manipulation but typically these feelings do accompany addiction and help keep people trapped in the grips of addiction because they cant deal with the emotions. Im glad that you posted - sometimes it just helps to write it all out and send it into the universe.