New and Scared
Hi. I first read posts on this site in March or so if this year. Helped me get through a tough detox period. Thank you! I read it for hours and hours. I was finally getting my life back after a traumatic breakup two years ago and was so happy about it.
Then my college age athlete son (mr hide the emotions) had a complete breakdown in June. I went there to be with him and help him through it and then he came home for awhile. So the past few months have been very tough-me being strong for him but crumbling inside and turning to my old friend more and more. Many other things happened during this period of time that made it all even more difficult. I was stress-drinking like i had after the breakup, as opposed to fun drinking with friends etc. (not that either is good in excess). Anyway, the good news is he is much better!
The bad news is I am not. I have had lots of throwing up over the last month (and usually do not). And little things on arms that look like bruises but they are not. Scared the heck out of me and I reached out to some sources for help. Went to the doctor and had some tests done-not good.
So I'm ready to leave this drinking world and feel better. I just wrote my "whys." I started seriously drinking about 2001. By that I mean, after work or out with friends. Most days. Before then I did not have alcohol in the house ever. And did not ever have a drink in the morning until the breakup two years ago. Vodka.
Scared of what I have done to my body-my spirit seems better though. Sorry this is so long and thnks for reading. I am a sexual abuse survivor so hard for me to deal with shame and hard to trust-this is a leap of faith.
Casey