I don't know if you ever attended an Alanon meeting. My favorite is an all women meeting
but the one I went to before that had a lot of men in it. Of course not all of them were there because of their spouses but you are not alone. Alcoholism is a family disease and we all get affected.
As a mom I am terrified that I am teaching my daughter how to be an addict or how to be a codependent.