I like the description alcohol dependent as well and that is how I would characterize my drinking. My father was extremely dependent and actually told my family that we should never ask him to choose his children over alcohol because we "the kids" would lose. I was 9 YO. He said that his beer kept him happy and that he loved it at the end of the day and no one would stand in his way. I cannot fathom this mentality but I grew up with this and knew that alcohol had this affect on some individuals. And then I married an alcoholic and divorced him due to verbal abuse. I was a non drinker to this point.
At the age of 64, my father was arrested, went into rehab and sobered up for the last 3 years of his life. I was able to find know him sober.
I started drinking socially after my second marriage and really only got out of control with stresses of step children and family issues. Years went by and I could feel it gradually increasing. And then about 5 years ago, I took ambien before bedtime and stayed up for another glass of wine and that changed it all. I didn't even know how much I drank because the cumulative affect of the two was something I had never experienced before. This went on for two years, drinking a couple glasses of wine in the evening, taking my ambien, then staying up and drinking more wine. I had a few episodes of taking more ambien and not knowing it. I fear there will be many accidental deaths due to mixing these two than anything out there. This is when my family got concerned and urged me to stop mixing it The empty bottles in the morning were undeniable and I actually started hiding them. I don't think I would have ever drank that much had I not been under the influence of the ambien. But either way, I had to stop as I was afraid I would OD or ruin my life. So the long and short is that I am sober now and free of alcohol. I was alcohol dependent but don't feel I am now. However, I know I can't drink one drink and stop there so I don't drink. Maybe some people have a disease but I don't feel I do.