Hi Amy,
I will ask you if I do. I'd like to be able to b/c you seem to have gone through this already obviously and I learn from your posts that I am not crazy. such a great feeling and all useful in the process of recovery.
My birthday is next week, and I guess after being Ike turner on the phone sunday and scaring the daylights out of me with his hangover personality, he has decided to be nice in preparation for his " obligatory day" of acting humane! aka. my Birthday! yay!
You said:
"I could not talk to him, I could never tell him how I felt, it was like I was attacking him if I said I was upset, and he had to attack back. There were a few times that he actually sat and listened, but there was no conversation except for me talking, and he would even thank me for being so nice about things, and then later attack me, because I never shut the h3ll up. "
Been There!! I will say that I have over time , slowly and the hard way learned to accept the facts of this disease so I quit trying to fix topical things that will not stay fixed. like communication and working on normal couple things. I go back to that fairy tale land once in awhile and try to do that in hopes. But now they are not real hopes but a voice in the back of my head saying, you *know* that you are just trying to make this more manageable for the week, thats about it b/c this will not change your life or your relationship. That ship has sailed and this man is going to get worse and worse.
Recovery has definitely happened this year! Thank God! And it didn't come as fast as I had hoped.
You also said:
He really had no empathy, now I am not saying he was a psychopath, or sociopath, he just could not feel anything about how I felt, he was only able to feel his own feelings, but he would not express any of them.''
He always tells me he is sad that he cannot be "the man I wish he could be." That always peeved me b/c it makes it look like I have this big list that is unattainable. lol. My list is: Kindness, empathy, Compromise, trust, and no passing out. Remembering things. I think most people can meet that list.
These posts help, b/c they keep me moving forward in remembering that it is nothing else other than alcoholism and cannot be worked on or fixed, and I must keep pushing forward for myself here and not to focus on anything else.. no matter what..
My Thanksgiving turned out great. He tried to ruin it. Tried. My mom and I had a great time. And I am going home tomorrow to spend time w/ my girlfriend and her husband visiting, a healthy loving couple I should spend time with so I can see what I really am aiming for here. Thank you for your post! We are sane, empathetic, loving people with average expectations.