Round 3
Hello Again Everyone,
I am back again. I did not stay around long enough either time to really get to know anyone here but I hope that will change. I have a drinking problem that never really improved since my brief visitation at this website and detox previously. Well, lets see what the wonders of alcohol have gifted me with recently:
1., My first DUI last year, two months after I finally got a decent job after my layoff.
2., Breaking my apartment lease after 3 years of paying on time every month on time due to the fact I now have insufficient funds to continue to rent there. (My living situation now is a mess)
3., Loss of all my close friends (many of which had problem with addition to alcohol as well) and pretty much being a loner because I am embarrassed about my situation.
4., The recent loneliness of knowing that even when a woman shows me attraction I have to gently turn her down. This is not because I do not not find her attractive or interesting it is because my life is in such shambles at this moment and I drink every day. No woman would/should put up with that and I will either be turned down once she finds out or I will have to lie constantly like a sociopath.
5., Not finishing my degree even though I was getting a very good GPA even as a drunk. I would frequently type up term papers while drinking and some how get a near perfect score. However, I over did it with the classes (or at least for a drinker like me) procrastinated and did not pull out the classes quick enough which hurt my GPA and put me on academic probation. I have not returned since. (My DUI also messed up my concentration and hurt the chances of me getting in the medical program I was studying towards.
6., Countless embarrassing and shoot my self in the foot decisions.
It is like I am on the outside looking in. It's like no matter how low things sink for me I cannot give up this pointless, harmful habit. I don't go to bars or clubs. I don't drink in the morning or afternoon. After my DUI, I do not drink and drive period.
I just buy my stuff from the package store and about 9pm I start drinking until I get tired enough or pass out. Everyday, like clockwork it is the same thing over and over. My health is starting to really decline, my personal life is now almost non existent, it has put strains on my family and none of my goals or dreams will ever manifest if I can't win this battle.I will be dust in the wind, my health will fade and so will I.
I am now riddled with social anxiety, low self confidence and have withdrew myself completely from society.I was the exact opposite 5 years ago, I had a wonderful and beautiful girlfriend, a large network of friends, a decent job which I was given several promotions and most importantly confidence in myself. I used to make everyone laugh and smile. I want to do what my father did at my age which was to get completely sober, start his own family, own a home and live productively. He is now in recovery due a long winded relapse and urging me to do the same. It is long overdue.
I have called and given my insurance information to a treatment center and I am going to take time from work next week for an evaluation and treatment program. I plan to try outpatient detox, attend AA meetings (something I did not do last time after the inpatient detox) and I also wanted to look into "campral" (sp?) which has really helped my father during his recovery.
Anyone who took the time to read my giant, unstructured, wall-o-text..thank you. I look forward to getting sober and interacting with you all on my road to recovery.
Talk to you all soon.