I find it really hard to respond to posts like this Raider, which is why I usually don't. I this case I think its because we all have such a large investment of time/awareness of your struggles and recent successes that i felt a need to respond. You know we will always be here if you need us ( and frankly I think you do more than ever ), but as you say we cannot help you if you won't listen. I really don't have much else to say other than good luck, because you are going to need it.