You don't have to follow any rules or even do the steps in Alanon....you also don't have to listen to the prayers. I originally started going to Alanon just to "do something different" - ANYTHING....the reason being change is difficult so even doing something that didn't really work that much for me helped. It was part of my therapy - taking small steps to elicit change..the small steps eventually led to the big steps and got me to where I am today. Change is hard so even a small thing like attending a meeting (even if you don't end up liking it) can get the ball rolling I think.
I worked step 1 of Alanon and went to various double winner and very non-religious Alanon meetings for a year or so. However my real recovery work was done in therapy not in Alanon - it is not the only answer. I'm not at all saying Alanon wasn't helpful - it WAS, step 1 was very enlightening for me and changed my life. Also just going to those meetings even if I didn't agree with them was a giant step for me. But it wasn't the end all, recovery solution for me. At first I thought it was the religion but it wasn't.
For me Alanon was too rule based - ie "you follow these rules and you will be happy" - I found a strange irony in that because for me the reason I had stayed with my XAH so much longer than I wanted to was because I was trying to "follow the rules and be happy" (life rules - ie get married and all that jazz). So speakers would say "it's not religious but eventually you will find spirituality" or "yeah it was take what you want and leave the rest until I became enlightened" and honestly I was put off. BUT...it was what I needed...because eventually I learned through therapy to listen to MY INNER VOICE and follow MY RULES....and I realized no I didn't need to be a perfect Alanon (or even an Alanon at all if I didn't want to) to recover. Once I found me I was able to follow my own intuition and start taking the steps for a happy life...my steps not the steps. However Alanon played a role, it helped me see that that stringent set of rules I had always felt I needed to live my life by just were not true - I needed to live by me and what's right for me and for me that meant for the first time in my life living as things are, as I feel, and by my gut - my true self.
So...I guess I'm saying even if the religious stuff turns you off or even if the whole "these are the rules" stuff turns you off like it did me it doesn't mean you can't find the things in it that do work for you (for me it was what didn't work that taught me what did...if that makes sense AND step 1). And the biggest lesson I learned in my year or so of Alanon was when someone criticized me or tried to indirectly "nicely" tell me I wasn't enlightened because I wasn't following the rules as they saw them I was able to start telling MY truth and stand up for ME regardless of what anyone thought...and for me that was recovery. So what if someone doesn't agree with my approach or my opinions of the program (be it my religious approach or whatever) - I feel great and was able to leave my XAH and find serenity...and that's good enough for me.